Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
