Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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