Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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