i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
