I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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