this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
