Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
