It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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