Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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