one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
