True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
