Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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