I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
