I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
