I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
barbara walters just said penis...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
