I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
