I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
