Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
