it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
