"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
