Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
