I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
