It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
