Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
