she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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