I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
