i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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