you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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