Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
