Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
