do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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