yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
