It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
