i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
