two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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