i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
