And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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