i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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