halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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