I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
