so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
