I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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