Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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