Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
