Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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