Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
