She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
