you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My vagina is very pro this idea
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
what the fuck happened to the tacos
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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