She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
