i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
