Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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