I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
