Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
